‘Cannelloni fields …a little schmaltz, and half-baked language!’

COOKINGWITHMAVIS #20      ‘Cannelloni fields …a little schmaltz, and half-baked language!’

‘ Cookingwithmavis’  and friends  were en-route to Arniston, via Caledon for the weekend, when  ‘She-Not-to-be-Named ’  sees an amazing feast of yellow fields ahead of us…

“LOOK!  - All the CANNELLONI  fields !..”   ‘'She’ blurts.  

And so, we will never, EVER  allow  ‘She-Not-to-be-Named’   to forget her Malapropism…or is it?  

…Canola… -or-  ..cannelloni…  ...to  ‘Her’   , same difference!  - Who knows ?!

- And to be sure….some wonderfully colourful bouquets in speech we hear on our radio-and- television-stations-local…. come to mind  - a Mind   that goes into apoplexycal turmoil when “Professional”  Broadcasters  broadcast half-baked information…

And so we hear the grating of mispronunciations on our ears :

*  “Sir Kummstinnnnssiz”…. being ‘circumstances’

*   “Voloonteer”…   I suppose a volunteer?

*  “Skeleton labour”…..  meaning ‘skeleton staff’

*  “Kurriekkichoorr “…. ….‘characture’

*  “She’s going under an ‘ alien ’  ”… …‘an alias’

And, I think my  BESTEST  mispronunciation of-all-time …the most frequently heard in colloquial language is: “ka-ta-gor-reez” – being ‘categories’ (the stress  being short and sharp on the ‘ta ’ – the same sounding ‘ta’  as in the word “attack”)

We hear this said on radio and TV, during news broadcasts or interviews, in various “ Sir Kummstinnnnssiz ”….

*  “Alkisss  Street”   …. for Alcis (pronounced “Alssis”) Street, when that local Talk Cape Town suburban radio’s morning “Traffic Report” is broadcast…

…no homework done by ’Him-that-reads-the-report’  !  

     

For ‘ InacurateTrafficReportHim’   , a street is not a “street”…a road is not a “road”, an avenue becomes a “road”, a boulevard becomes a “street”, and as for traffic “intersections”! WELLLL ! ....he  “temporarily” moves well-known landmark roads to his current ‘suburb-of-choice’… 

‘ Liesbeek-and-Alma Rd Intersection - in ROSEBANK’ ,  just last Wednesday, for the morning, found itself in the neighbouring suburb of “Mowbray”!

And as for traffic light “intersections”…here in South Africa, we call those colloquially “ROBOTS”

 .., So, can you just imagine the startled look upon any Foreigner’s face when asking a ‘Local Person’ , directions:     

       “ Pass 2 ‘robots’ , then turn left at the 3^rd ‘robot’ ”

…and so, Persons-Not-Local , might get so terribly lost, when searching in vain for little mechanical figures waving them on….but that’s another story!

~  And so, I’m told recently, when interjecting my views in my colleague’s conversation…

 ”You just go back to your   “Blob”   ’Mavis   “… says she    …if …if only !

                            …BlobBlobBlobBlobBlobBlobBlob !…

~ Meanwhile ,  I shall share with you some wonderful  ‘pitchurrs’  – as my friend from Giggleswick Yorkshire  U.K. might say - (Giggleswick is a village and civil parish in the Craven district of North Yorkshire, England near the town of Settle….thanks Wikipedia! )…yes, ‘pitchurrs’ taken en route to Arniston , Southern Cape, South Africa of canola fields …or is it “cannelloni “ fields?

Canola fields on N2 - vicinity Caledon Western Cape

Undulating canola - vicinity Caledon ,Western Cape

Canola (rape-seed) fields, near Caledon, Western Cape

Yellow tip of canola - N2 highway  - vicinity Caledon, Western Cape

And so to recipes…

‘COOKINGWITHMAVIS’s    Vegetarian schmaltz:

No savoury sandwich – be it meat..or chicken ....or ham-or-whatever, will ever taste the same once you’ve learned to spread some “false” (vegetarian) schmaltz , instead of butter, onto that slice of bread!   Mmmmmmm......

That is, if you really want  to  go to the effortless effort to make this spread of           " vegetarian chicken fat  "  (“schmaltz”).....

In Jewish dietary law,  goodness knows what might occur if you were to mix a milk product ( such as butter) with meat!...it’s a most DEFINITE ‘no!-no!’ , thus the idea of ‘schmaltz’ is an ancient tradition...the “REAL schmaltz” was made from rendering lots and lots of chicken fat, to produce the very similar flavour and texture of my vegetarian equivalent below!

Getting ready to make Vegetarian schmaltz

          

Ingredients:

250g White (hard) margarine ( = vegetable “shortening”) in South Africa we would use a product called  “Holsum”

250ml sunflower oil (1 cup )

2 Peeled and sliced medium carrots...in rounds

2 Peeled and sliced medium onions

1 teaspoon salt

15 whole pepper corns

Ingredients for vegetarian schmaltz

Method : 

Put all ingredients into a pot, and cook, I suppose on medium heat, until onions get nice and golden brown = about 45 minutes to 1 hour -  the onions, and the carrots, give the "schmaltz" it’s special flavour.

Switch-off the heat - the onions will continue to get browner in the hot oil.

Let the liquid cool slightly.

Then strain it into a bowl and reserve the 'liquid' fat oil.

When cooler, put into a storage container and leave in the fridge to chill.

This becomes the solid schmaltz  - it might take a few days to solidify to an almost solid,  spreadable consistency.

Carrots and onions boiling away to make schmaltz

Strained warm schmaltz , and  'gribbennis' aside

Schmaltz, cooling and solidifying

A mouthwatering dish of  'gribbennis'

Put the drained browned onions, cooked carrots, and peppercorns aside, and treat yourself to a warm decadent cholesterol  frenzy   on a slice of fresh white bread...

Warm  'gribbennis' on fresh bread!

This delicious warm ‘dish’ is called "gribbennis" in ‘Yiddish’...it’s yummily mouthwatering: ...the sweetness of the cooked carrots, and browned onions, together with the salt, and the delectable crunchy long-cooked black peppercorns is a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y mind-blowing!  { Originally, I suppose the "gribbennis"  would have included all the bits from real chicken – being the excess skin for flavour}.

Your vegetarian schmaltz (strained), should keep for probably 6 weeks minimum, stored sealed, in the fridge!

Cooled vegetarian schmaltz ready to spread a smidgen on a slice of bread

 Use it to :

            Spread thinly on savoury, meat sandwiches instead of butter or marge,  or a tablespoon-or-two into a pot , instead of oil , when sautéing onions for a stew,  or browning meat or chicken, or-whatever! - gives a wonderful flavour!

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm………

I'm sure to hear your responses... : 

" SCHMALTZ ?" doesnt that mean soppy music ...or gaudy bad art , or kitch ? - mmmm......that's coming soon!

...well, YES!   ALL-OF-THE-ABOVE !  

‘COOKINGWITHMAVIS’