Of Sitting Ducks...and Over-stuffed "Chickens"

“COOKINGWITHMAVIS “ # 18   “ ...and Overstuffed 'chickens'….”

       

Of   SITTING  DUCKS ….. AND  OVERSTUFFED  “ CHICKENS” 

When ”COOKINGWITHMAVIS”  gets an angry bee in her bonnet, nothing will stop her from taking off that darn hat!...so although most of you will not have experienced her anger…she sometimes has to blow-off steam..  just and eensy, wheensy bit of steam , and so…

“ Some men in uniform are plainly irresistible…

Some men in uniform AREN’T ! ”

We’d decided to go to Knysna (pronounced “N-eye-zznahh ” ) for a 4-day weekend (“My M” and Me )

Unable to depart much before 3pm that Friday – the start of that ‘long-weekend’.

Knysna: 'The Heads' and a portion of the lagoon

Knysna lagoon

Mud-shrimp fisherman , Knysna

Not a thought had crossed my mind, as to the thousands of “Others”, leaving Cape Town with the very same purpose, and, at the same time as us !

So we settled into the bumper-to-bumper traffic, moving at a snail’s pace along the ‘N2’ national highway.

As we approached the outskirts of Somerset West (usually 30 minutes on the highway), so the snail’s pace slowed to a sultry stop-and-go, stop-and-go, slithering past the industrial areas of that town, before reaching the incline of Sir Lowry’s  Pass, to traverse the “ Hottentots Holland ” mountain range, only to be halted yet AGAIN soon after, as we headed over and down the other side of the mountain pass into the apple and pear-growing region of the Cape Province – being “Grabouw” and  “Elgin” !

Turns out that, being a long weekend, knowing that the traffic was ripe for the picking, the local Traffic Police held a road block!  Just past the ‘Grabouw / Elgin’ junction  –  sQueezing  all of ‘us vehicles’ into a single lane, indiscriminately stopping anyone who seemed to look guilty-or-whatever.   

Of course, They were checking for unpaid fines, traffic offences, etc.   Even though we weren’t pulled over, this had cost us a bloomin’ extra 1 ½ hours delay added to what should have been, our 5 ½  hour journey!

Whew !  That over, so we were able to continue …..

Past Peregrine Farmstall and Houwhoek Inn, we glided down the next mountain pass - the “ Houw-hoek Pass” , at no more than just the speed-limit of 80km/hr. 

Driving down into the “Overberg” region…this pass brings a glorious variety of alarmingly magnificent farmland vistas before your eyes, as one twists and turns the sharp steep bends.

Depending on the time of the year you’re passing through, the farmlands form golden yellows in Summer, to rich displays of greens, mid-Winter.

Wary of the treacherous winding mountain pass, as one descends, and reaches the bottom, the road straightens once more, with signage and forewarnings of the need to turn-off now!  if you want to get to the towns of Botrivier or Hermanus…or just continue merrily along that straight long N2 national highway…

BUT !!!!!....

Having resigned myself to the fact that, due to the earlier delays, we’d eventually reach Knysna well after dark, we might as well make ours, a leisurely drive, only to be delayed yet again!

On the beginnings of that straight long N2 highway, there I was , the driver, cruising at (what I thought was legal )  120km/hr – only to see a ‘rather rotund uniformed traffic policeman’  running into the bloody middle of the highway, arms flagging me down, directing me to pull over to the side of the road!!!

…And as I drew nearer, I see ‘another uniformed man’,   manning a tripod upholding a very expensive state-of-the-art traffic camera !

ANOTHER spot check on this trip ! …ANOTHER unnecessary delay !

‘ He’  slowly ambles to my opened window, to inform me that I was driving at a whole 125km/hr!...

”Well” ,  I thought… “at least he can’t fine me for speeding?”

Who-was-to-know that small stretch of highway, wide and straight and oh-so ‘highway-ish’, just at the very bottom of the mountain pass, had a speed limit of ONLY 100 km/hr ?

As is, one is so busy concentrating on the treacherous steep curves of that mountain pass, who EVER  notices the lonesome single 100 km/hr speed-limit sign, placed at the descent?

- Huh ?

‘ He’   demands my drivers’ license and promptly disappears into the distance behind our vehicle…..

I somehow recall that recently there was a lot of commotion in the news media…

… A real  “brouhaha”  about some angry motorist in Jo’burg,  who kept tweeting on Twitter - alerting everyone to the whereabouts of speedtraps – there was some inference to farm animals… I think chickens ? ...a-and THIS  proved to be most disconcerting for  ‘ All of them that are traffic police persons ’ !

That Jo’burg guy: …he was actually  threatened with legal action ..can-you-believe-it!

...Real ‘softies’, ‘ They’   all must be !

             MMMM… sensitive of ‘their public image ‘?

                                    And so  **>>>…………?

Thus……Scare tactics and false bravado :

***********************************

And so “My M“  and I  waited…and waited for over 10 minutes! -   while this ‘overstuffed, unfit traffic officerman ‘  diddled-with-whatever ,  back at that speedtrap….at that police car…… in our rear-view mirror!

It seemed like he might’ve even been having a social   chat with those around him ?

And Me ?...my temper was brewing, but “My M”  prevented the pot from boiling…until even HE  couldn’t resist accosting another ‘slim-uniformed officerman’ , returning from a vehicle other,  in front of us - (Ahhhhhhhh -  no fine given to that young lady! …)

’Overstuffed  Unfit’   turns-out-to-be ” Officer Chunkie Abdomen ”

 -  with a  mmmmarrrrrrrrrrrrvellous  rural “ brey”  to his speech.

He returns:  clipboard and official form in hand:  Pen poised, demanding all my personal details!.... a-and graciously spelling out to me, as if “breyed”  rural English was not within my realm of comprehension, that he was issuing ‘ Moi ’   with a hefty speeding fine!

Okay to give him my first name (- the other info appears on my driver’s license).

I didn’t mind giving my residential address too (- this proved too complicated for him to write - so eventually I just gave half of it ).    

I refused further information regarding place-of-employment, etc… and when he asked my age, I thought he was ‘ hitting-on-me’ !   

Then , “My M”  elbowed me , and brought me to my senses!      

After all;   who, in their right minds, would want to have the ‘comings-on’   of an overweight, breying overstuffed ‘man-in-uniform’ ! ... one who cannot  do the math to calculate my age listed, in my ID NUMBER ON MY DRIVER’S LICENCE!    ….said driver’s license now being IN HIS POSSESION ! ...huh ?  

“Chunkie”   was attempting to be officious…. And ”…’Mavis” was having none of that !

Yes! …we were “sitting ducks” !  ....a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y SOFT  TARGETS !

Those bloomin’ overstuffed ‘uniformed traffic officer persons’   were sohh well aware of the ever-so-clever na-a-a-stiness of their trap, knowing full well that so many motorists, thinking that they are WITH-IN  the speed limit, would get trapped just there!...just at the stretch of turn-off on the N2 to Botrivier and Hermanus!  Twitter, twitter…

             …..…chickens-and-traif-and-chickens-and-traif-and-chickens……

                                               ***

*(Definition of traif ? :  Any product / meat,  that is non-kosher. … Pork  is traif!)

** Now, if you don’t know the meaning of the word “brey”…just got to my blog “Crisp creamcheese”  - it’s there!

And so to recipes…

Pork chops  ‘Chunkie Abdomen’ ….

*Stolen from    Best-Friend- Mo’s   knowledge-of-cooking….

  ˜ Thanks Mo’ !

Take a wooden kitchen mallet / or heavy wooden-handled knife, and beat the hell out of that pork chop (oops! Sorry!.... that ‘s another recipe..that’s what I do to my ample breasts…chicken breasts!….)

… and so to  Pork Chops ‘Chunkie Abdomen’…

       - Forget about quantities…here are the basics…

Ingredients:

2 to 4 Shoulder pork chops  (preferably with some fat on )

Ground cumin

Salt to taste

Ground black pepper

1 tablespoon Olive oil

1 tablespoon Flour

1 tablespoon Butter

3 tablespoons Marmalade

¼ cup Orange juice

Method:

1)      Rinse and pat dry the chops, and make a few downward slits in the fat

2)      Sprinkle a little ground cumin and salt, and black pepper on the chops

3)      In a heavy-based frying pan, heat about 1 tablespoon olive oil …just enough to lightly coat the bottom of the pan.

4)      Sear the seasoned chops quickly on both sides, and remove from pan

5)      Turn heat down, and stir-in a generous dollop of marmalade (at least 3 tablespoons)

6)      As this melts, add the butter, then sprinkle on the flour, stirring well, then add the ¼ cup orange juice, stirring till this becomes a thickish sauce

7)      Return the chops to this pan, and simmer gently on low heat (lid on), for 15 minutes.

(……Optional:- ….to add 2 tablespoons of brandy with the orange juice!)

Serve with:

Steamed/boiled jacket potatoes…or basmati rice,  and steamed broccoli.

Pork chops "Chunkie Abdomen"

                                         >>>>>>>MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMo<<<<<<<

‘ COOKINGWITHMAVIS ’  

                            …and BestFriendMo’

ps:  Watch out for my next blog a day earlier than usual..

Yes!  next Wednesday…just to allow  you time to purchase the pudding ingredients for any prospective  Festive meal ! …you’ll need some 1 kg (2 lbs)at least, of frozen or fresh mixed (red )berries :- currants, blackberries, raspberries…and some stale white bread!  Some sugar , a bit of cornflour (Maizena) and a lemon too ….Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

You could halve the amount of berries for a smaller pudding…just wait-and-see!

         Until then……

Knysna - a perfect 'wetland' and sanctuary for birdlife

Knysna - the sheer vastness of the lagoon

Knysna -at The Heads, a cold  front rolling into the lagoon

Knysna -a portion of  Thesen Island