‘Cannelloni fields …a little schmaltz, and half-baked language!’

COOKINGWITHMAVIS #20      ‘Cannelloni fields …a little schmaltz, and half-baked language!’

‘ Cookingwithmavis’  and friends  were en-route to Arniston, via Caledon for the weekend, when  ‘She-Not-to-be-Named ’  sees an amazing feast of yellow fields ahead of us…

“LOOK!  - All the CANNELLONI  fields !..”   ‘'She’ blurts.  

And so, we will never, EVER  allow  ‘She-Not-to-be-Named’   to forget her Malapropism…or is it?  

…Canola… -or-  ..cannelloni…  ...to  ‘Her’   , same difference!  - Who knows ?!

- And to be sure….some wonderfully colourful bouquets in speech we hear on our radio-and- television-stations-local…. come to mind  - a Mind   that goes into apoplexycal turmoil when “Professional”  Broadcasters  broadcast half-baked information…

And so we hear the grating of mispronunciations on our ears :

*  “Sir Kummstinnnnssiz”…. being ‘circumstances’

*   “Voloonteer”…   I suppose a volunteer?

*  “Skeleton labour”…..  meaning ‘skeleton staff’

*  “Kurriekkichoorr “…. ….‘characture’

*  “She’s going under an ‘ alien ’  ”… …‘an alias’

And, I think my  BESTEST  mispronunciation of-all-time …the most frequently heard in colloquial language is: “ka-ta-gor-reez” – being ‘categories’ (the stress  being short and sharp on the ‘ta ’ – the same sounding ‘ta’  as in the word “attack”)

We hear this said on radio and TV, during news broadcasts or interviews, in various “ Sir Kummstinnnnssiz ”….

*  “Alkisss  Street”   …. for Alcis (pronounced “Alssis”) Street, when that local Talk Cape Town suburban radio’s morning “Traffic Report” is broadcast…

…no homework done by ’Him-that-reads-the-report’  !  

     

For ‘ InacurateTrafficReportHim’   , a street is not a “street”…a road is not a “road”, an avenue becomes a “road”, a boulevard becomes a “street”, and as for traffic “intersections”! WELLLL ! ....he  “temporarily” moves well-known landmark roads to his current ‘suburb-of-choice’… 

‘ Liesbeek-and-Alma Rd Intersection - in ROSEBANK’ ,  just last Wednesday, for the morning, found itself in the neighbouring suburb of “Mowbray”!

And as for traffic light “intersections”…here in South Africa, we call those colloquially “ROBOTS”

 .., So, can you just imagine the startled look upon any Foreigner’s face when asking a ‘Local Person’ , directions:     

       “ Pass 2 ‘robots’ , then turn left at the 3^rd ‘robot’ ”

…and so, Persons-Not-Local , might get so terribly lost, when searching in vain for little mechanical figures waving them on….but that’s another story!

~  And so, I’m told recently, when interjecting my views in my colleague’s conversation…

 ”You just go back to your   “Blob”   ’Mavis   “… says she    …if …if only !

                            …BlobBlobBlobBlobBlobBlobBlob !…

~ Meanwhile ,  I shall share with you some wonderful  ‘pitchurrs’  – as my friend from Giggleswick Yorkshire  U.K. might say - (Giggleswick is a village and civil parish in the Craven district of North Yorkshire, England near the town of Settle….thanks Wikipedia! )…yes, ‘pitchurrs’ taken en route to Arniston , Southern Cape, South Africa of canola fields …or is it “cannelloni “ fields?

Canola fields on N2 - vicinity Caledon Western Cape

Undulating canola - vicinity Caledon ,Western Cape

Canola (rape-seed) fields, near Caledon, Western Cape

Yellow tip of canola - N2 highway  - vicinity Caledon, Western Cape

And so to recipes…

‘COOKINGWITHMAVIS’s    Vegetarian schmaltz:

No savoury sandwich – be it meat..or chicken ....or ham-or-whatever, will ever taste the same once you’ve learned to spread some “false” (vegetarian) schmaltz , instead of butter, onto that slice of bread!   Mmmmmmm......

That is, if you really want  to  go to the effortless effort to make this spread of           " vegetarian chicken fat  "  (“schmaltz”).....

In Jewish dietary law,  goodness knows what might occur if you were to mix a milk product ( such as butter) with meat!...it’s a most DEFINITE ‘no!-no!’ , thus the idea of ‘schmaltz’ is an ancient tradition...the “REAL schmaltz” was made from rendering lots and lots of chicken fat, to produce the very similar flavour and texture of my vegetarian equivalent below!

Getting ready to make Vegetarian schmaltz

          

Ingredients:

250g White (hard) margarine ( = vegetable “shortening”) in South Africa we would use a product called  “Holsum”

250ml sunflower oil (1 cup )

2 Peeled and sliced medium carrots...in rounds

2 Peeled and sliced medium onions

1 teaspoon salt

15 whole pepper corns

Ingredients for vegetarian schmaltz

Method : 

Put all ingredients into a pot, and cook, I suppose on medium heat, until onions get nice and golden brown = about 45 minutes to 1 hour -  the onions, and the carrots, give the "schmaltz" it’s special flavour.

Switch-off the heat - the onions will continue to get browner in the hot oil.

Let the liquid cool slightly.

Then strain it into a bowl and reserve the 'liquid' fat oil.

When cooler, put into a storage container and leave in the fridge to chill.

This becomes the solid schmaltz  - it might take a few days to solidify to an almost solid,  spreadable consistency.

Carrots and onions boiling away to make schmaltz

Strained warm schmaltz , and  'gribbennis' aside

Schmaltz, cooling and solidifying

A mouthwatering dish of  'gribbennis'

Put the drained browned onions, cooked carrots, and peppercorns aside, and treat yourself to a warm decadent cholesterol  frenzy   on a slice of fresh white bread...

Warm  'gribbennis' on fresh bread!

This delicious warm ‘dish’ is called "gribbennis" in ‘Yiddish’...it’s yummily mouthwatering: ...the sweetness of the cooked carrots, and browned onions, together with the salt, and the delectable crunchy long-cooked black peppercorns is a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y mind-blowing!  { Originally, I suppose the "gribbennis"  would have included all the bits from real chicken – being the excess skin for flavour}.

Your vegetarian schmaltz (strained), should keep for probably 6 weeks minimum, stored sealed, in the fridge!

Cooled vegetarian schmaltz ready to spread a smidgen on a slice of bread

 Use it to :

            Spread thinly on savoury, meat sandwiches instead of butter or marge,  or a tablespoon-or-two into a pot , instead of oil , when sautéing onions for a stew,  or browning meat or chicken, or-whatever! - gives a wonderful flavour!

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm………

I'm sure to hear your responses... : 

" SCHMALTZ ?" doesnt that mean soppy music ...or gaudy bad art , or kitch ? - mmmm......that's coming soon!

...well, YES!   ALL-OF-THE-ABOVE !  

‘COOKINGWITHMAVIS’

A Festive blog: FANNY CRADOCK....and DIVUMPTIOUS SUMMER PUDDING

‘COOKINGWITHMAVIS’ #19   “…FANNY CRADOCK…and time for SUMMER PUDDING ”

OUR CHRISTMAS FAIRY  "Ample Girth" bursting forth!

As a treat to You, my reader, I shall steer you towards a Cookery Icon…Yes! FANNY CRADOCK…Doyenne of BBC Television cookery shows…in fact the beginnings of BBC cookery TV from mid 1950s onwards !

Friend Rob is an absolute mine of wonderfully off-the-wall information, and……

Fanny Cradock - Doyenne of TV cooking!

and luckily, a few years ago, he introduced me to the luscious, appetizing world of Fanny Cradock on YOUTUBE !

False eyelashes, accentuated lips, exaggerated, penciled eyebrows, and a raspy voice, she took herself very seriously.

Bejeweled fingers, and pink satin balloon sleeves, halfway up a turkey’s you-know-what!

So, do yourself a favour, and go to website: YOUTUBE - search:

1) Fanny Cradock Cooks for Christmas – Christmas Bird Pt 1  (yes! JUST as I’ve written it! )

2) Fanny Cradock –  Royal mincemeat (Part 2 of 2) 

Yes, I know that it can be quite tiresome sometimes to wait for those movie clips to download…but believe, me, it will bring a chuckle to your face and a smile to your heart !

…I bring you….Mrs FANNY CRADOCK !, OH…and go to Wikipedia,( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Fanny_Cradock_Allan_Warren.jpg ) and read up about her 4 marriages , some bigamous, and sohh much more!

And so to recipes…

A  SUPER , REFRESHING ALTERNATIVE for a Christmas … OR other   Festive meal!

"Ample Girth" in Festive mood...

This recipe is quite a large quantity, enough to serve at least 12 people…so I often reduce quantities to make a smaller one – enough to serve 6 people.

I shall firstly give you the larger recipe…….and after…just below,  divulge the smaller quantity that works just as well!

And no-one will ever guess that  this is made from WHITE BREAD!

      SUMMER Pudding :

Summer Pudding - Festive and delicious!

Ingredients :

700g - 750 g mixed (red) berries -FRESH  or frozen (Raspberries, blackberries, red currents, strawberries).

1 ½ cups sugar

1 ½ cups liquid (being the juice of the berries + water combined)

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1 tablespoon ‘Maizena’ (cornflour) for thickening the reserved amount of pureed fruit sauce that you have kept aside)

1 loaf of white sandwich bread

Method :

1) Line a 1 litre (4 standard cups ) pudding bowl with Clingfilm

2) Slice bread and cut crusts off

3) Cut triangle shapes to line the sides of the pudding bowl

4) Cut rounds too, from small for the bottom of the bowl, to larger sizes – or you can cut strips if this is easier. I use cookie cutters for the rounds.

5) Place cut bread into the pudding bowl to check that all fit well…and remove again…just leaving, at first the triangle pieces lining the sides of the bowl.

6) If using frozen berries, DEFROST them first, drain and reserve that juice to use in the preparation

7) In a saucepan, bring the sugar and water (with drained berry juice, to the boil, reduce the heat, and add the berries and lemon juice.

- For fresh berries, simmer for 2 minutes.

- For frozen berries, 1 minute is ample.

8) Take saucepan off the heat, and leave fruit sauce to cool for about 20 minutes

- REMEMBER to put aside 4 tablespoons of the cooked berries to use for garnishing the plate before serving. Put these into a small container and chill overnight in the fridge.

9) Pour the cooked berries and liquid into a liquidizer/blender, and purée well.

10) STRAIN this through a sieve, into a clean bowl.

11) Using a wooden spoon, or rubber spatula, rub the berries through the sieve, leaving only the seeds behind. Remember to scrape the underside too, of the sieve, to collect all the purée

12) Pour some of the strained thick fruit sauce into the bottom of the lined pudding bowl.

13) Then place the first round of bread on top that, and gently press this down to absorb the sauce…..continuing the process, layer-by-layer.

Be sure to see that the side triangles of bread lining the bowl, also absorb enough sauce as you increase the layers inside the bowl.

14) Gently cover the completely full pudding bowl with Clingfilm, gently squeezing as much air out the side of the top as possible.

15 ) Place in the fridge overnight – having put a flat plate on top of this, and weigh it down with something like a  heavy tin of jam, etc, to keep it pressed firmly.

16) There will be leftover cooked, sieved fruit sauce – keep this to make the thickened sauce for serving.  Meanwhile, put into a container in the fridge, overnight.

To Serve:

1) Mix 1 tablespoon of  ‘Maizena’ (cornflour) with 3 tablespoons water/fruit juice.

2) Reserve ¼ cup of the chilled fruit sauce for later.

3) Gently heat the remaining leftover strained fruit sauce in a saucepan, add the cornflour mixture, and stir till it thickens …leave to cool for 30 minutes or more. (If not enough fruit sauce, add ¼ cup water).

4) Remove the weights and the top layer of Clingfilm off the refrigerated Summer Pudding.

5) Tip the pudding bowl upside down onto a serving platter

6) Gently remove the bowl, then the Clingfilm which was lining the bowl.

7) There will be some white patches where the sauce did not reach parts of the bread – pour some of the reserved sauce onto these patches.

8) Pour the thickened fruit sauce over the pudding…or if you prefer, pour it just AROUND the pudding, on the serving platter.

9) Garnish the top of the Summer Pudding with the 4 tablespoons of chilled berries that you DID remember to reserve!

10) Serve with fresh cream or brandied vanilla custard….

*****Now : Quantities for the smaller pudding:

 

Ingredients:… for smaller pudding:

350g mixed (red) berries - FRESH  or  frozen (Raspberries, blackberries, red currents, strawberries)….or just raspberries okay too.

1 cup sugar

1 cup liquid (being the juice of the defrosted berries + water combined)

½ tablespoon lemon juice

2 teaspoons ‘Maizena’ (cornflour) for thickening the reserved amount of pureed fruit sauce that you have kept aside)

¾ loaf of white sandwich bread –you might need less!

* Remember to use a much smaller pudding bowl  - about 500 ml (2 cupsfull )

Summer Pud - cutting the bread to shape

Ingredients for the sauce and puree

In-case you didn't get it!...for puree

The berry puree, strained and ready to add to the bowl

Remember to reserve some puree for sauce later, after filling the pudding

Summer Pudding - before pressing and chilling

Remember to cover tightly with clingwrap before pressing and chilling

VOILA! - mouthwatering SUMMER PUDDING!

If you, Dear Reader, enjoyed this ...then scroll back to my very first blog...Confit D'oie....just go to the top right of this page, and click on older blogs!
....and oh! ...wishes? ........my readership is wonderfully international, so many of you don't celebrate  this , nicknamed  "The Silly Season" - nevertheless, 'Summer Pudding' can be enjoyed anytime, by You!

"Ample Girth" still in  Festive mood

‘COOKINGWITHMAVIS’

Of Sitting Ducks...and Over-stuffed "Chickens"

“COOKINGWITHMAVIS “ # 18   “ ...and Overstuffed 'chickens'….”

       

Of   SITTING  DUCKS ….. AND  OVERSTUFFED  “ CHICKENS” 

When ”COOKINGWITHMAVIS”  gets an angry bee in her bonnet, nothing will stop her from taking off that darn hat!...so although most of you will not have experienced her anger…she sometimes has to blow-off steam..  just and eensy, wheensy bit of steam , and so…

“ Some men in uniform are plainly irresistible…

Some men in uniform AREN’T ! ”

We’d decided to go to Knysna (pronounced “N-eye-zznahh ” ) for a 4-day weekend (“My M” and Me )

Unable to depart much before 3pm that Friday – the start of that ‘long-weekend’.

Knysna: 'The Heads' and a portion of the lagoon

Knysna lagoon

Mud-shrimp fisherman , Knysna

Not a thought had crossed my mind, as to the thousands of “Others”, leaving Cape Town with the very same purpose, and, at the same time as us !

So we settled into the bumper-to-bumper traffic, moving at a snail’s pace along the ‘N2’ national highway.

As we approached the outskirts of Somerset West (usually 30 minutes on the highway), so the snail’s pace slowed to a sultry stop-and-go, stop-and-go, slithering past the industrial areas of that town, before reaching the incline of Sir Lowry’s  Pass, to traverse the “ Hottentots Holland ” mountain range, only to be halted yet AGAIN soon after, as we headed over and down the other side of the mountain pass into the apple and pear-growing region of the Cape Province – being “Grabouw” and  “Elgin” !

Turns out that, being a long weekend, knowing that the traffic was ripe for the picking, the local Traffic Police held a road block!  Just past the ‘Grabouw / Elgin’ junction  –  sQueezing  all of ‘us vehicles’ into a single lane, indiscriminately stopping anyone who seemed to look guilty-or-whatever.   

Of course, They were checking for unpaid fines, traffic offences, etc.   Even though we weren’t pulled over, this had cost us a bloomin’ extra 1 ½ hours delay added to what should have been, our 5 ½  hour journey!

Whew !  That over, so we were able to continue …..

Past Peregrine Farmstall and Houwhoek Inn, we glided down the next mountain pass - the “ Houw-hoek Pass” , at no more than just the speed-limit of 80km/hr. 

Driving down into the “Overberg” region…this pass brings a glorious variety of alarmingly magnificent farmland vistas before your eyes, as one twists and turns the sharp steep bends.

Depending on the time of the year you’re passing through, the farmlands form golden yellows in Summer, to rich displays of greens, mid-Winter.

Wary of the treacherous winding mountain pass, as one descends, and reaches the bottom, the road straightens once more, with signage and forewarnings of the need to turn-off now!  if you want to get to the towns of Botrivier or Hermanus…or just continue merrily along that straight long N2 national highway…

BUT !!!!!....

Having resigned myself to the fact that, due to the earlier delays, we’d eventually reach Knysna well after dark, we might as well make ours, a leisurely drive, only to be delayed yet again!

On the beginnings of that straight long N2 highway, there I was , the driver, cruising at (what I thought was legal )  120km/hr – only to see a ‘rather rotund uniformed traffic policeman’  running into the bloody middle of the highway, arms flagging me down, directing me to pull over to the side of the road!!!

…And as I drew nearer, I see ‘another uniformed man’,   manning a tripod upholding a very expensive state-of-the-art traffic camera !

ANOTHER spot check on this trip ! …ANOTHER unnecessary delay !

‘ He’  slowly ambles to my opened window, to inform me that I was driving at a whole 125km/hr!...

”Well” ,  I thought… “at least he can’t fine me for speeding?”

Who-was-to-know that small stretch of highway, wide and straight and oh-so ‘highway-ish’, just at the very bottom of the mountain pass, had a speed limit of ONLY 100 km/hr ?

As is, one is so busy concentrating on the treacherous steep curves of that mountain pass, who EVER  notices the lonesome single 100 km/hr speed-limit sign, placed at the descent?

- Huh ?

‘ He’   demands my drivers’ license and promptly disappears into the distance behind our vehicle…..

I somehow recall that recently there was a lot of commotion in the news media…

… A real  “brouhaha”  about some angry motorist in Jo’burg,  who kept tweeting on Twitter - alerting everyone to the whereabouts of speedtraps – there was some inference to farm animals… I think chickens ? ...a-and THIS  proved to be most disconcerting for  ‘ All of them that are traffic police persons ’ !

That Jo’burg guy: …he was actually  threatened with legal action ..can-you-believe-it!

...Real ‘softies’, ‘ They’   all must be !

             MMMM… sensitive of ‘their public image ‘?

                                    And so  **>>>…………?

Thus……Scare tactics and false bravado :

***********************************

And so “My M“  and I  waited…and waited for over 10 minutes! -   while this ‘overstuffed, unfit traffic officerman ‘  diddled-with-whatever ,  back at that speedtrap….at that police car…… in our rear-view mirror!

It seemed like he might’ve even been having a social   chat with those around him ?

And Me ?...my temper was brewing, but “My M”  prevented the pot from boiling…until even HE  couldn’t resist accosting another ‘slim-uniformed officerman’ , returning from a vehicle other,  in front of us - (Ahhhhhhhh -  no fine given to that young lady! …)

’Overstuffed  Unfit’   turns-out-to-be ” Officer Chunkie Abdomen ”

 -  with a  mmmmarrrrrrrrrrrrvellous  rural “ brey”  to his speech.

He returns:  clipboard and official form in hand:  Pen poised, demanding all my personal details!.... a-and graciously spelling out to me, as if “breyed”  rural English was not within my realm of comprehension, that he was issuing ‘ Moi ’   with a hefty speeding fine!

Okay to give him my first name (- the other info appears on my driver’s license).

I didn’t mind giving my residential address too (- this proved too complicated for him to write - so eventually I just gave half of it ).    

I refused further information regarding place-of-employment, etc… and when he asked my age, I thought he was ‘ hitting-on-me’ !   

Then , “My M”  elbowed me , and brought me to my senses!      

After all;   who, in their right minds, would want to have the ‘comings-on’   of an overweight, breying overstuffed ‘man-in-uniform’ ! ... one who cannot  do the math to calculate my age listed, in my ID NUMBER ON MY DRIVER’S LICENCE!    ….said driver’s license now being IN HIS POSSESION ! ...huh ?  

“Chunkie”   was attempting to be officious…. And ”…’Mavis” was having none of that !

Yes! …we were “sitting ducks” !  ....a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y SOFT  TARGETS !

Those bloomin’ overstuffed ‘uniformed traffic officer persons’   were sohh well aware of the ever-so-clever na-a-a-stiness of their trap, knowing full well that so many motorists, thinking that they are WITH-IN  the speed limit, would get trapped just there!...just at the stretch of turn-off on the N2 to Botrivier and Hermanus!  Twitter, twitter…

             …..…chickens-and-traif-and-chickens-and-traif-and-chickens……

                                               ***

*(Definition of traif ? :  Any product / meat,  that is non-kosher. … Pork  is traif!)

** Now, if you don’t know the meaning of the word “brey”…just got to my blog “Crisp creamcheese”  - it’s there!

And so to recipes…

Pork chops  ‘Chunkie Abdomen’ ….

*Stolen from    Best-Friend- Mo’s   knowledge-of-cooking….

  ˜ Thanks Mo’ !

Take a wooden kitchen mallet / or heavy wooden-handled knife, and beat the hell out of that pork chop (oops! Sorry!.... that ‘s another recipe..that’s what I do to my ample breasts…chicken breasts!….)

… and so to  Pork Chops ‘Chunkie Abdomen’…

       - Forget about quantities…here are the basics…

Ingredients:

2 to 4 Shoulder pork chops  (preferably with some fat on )

Ground cumin

Salt to taste

Ground black pepper

1 tablespoon Olive oil

1 tablespoon Flour

1 tablespoon Butter

3 tablespoons Marmalade

¼ cup Orange juice

Method:

1)      Rinse and pat dry the chops, and make a few downward slits in the fat

2)      Sprinkle a little ground cumin and salt, and black pepper on the chops

3)      In a heavy-based frying pan, heat about 1 tablespoon olive oil …just enough to lightly coat the bottom of the pan.

4)      Sear the seasoned chops quickly on both sides, and remove from pan

5)      Turn heat down, and stir-in a generous dollop of marmalade (at least 3 tablespoons)

6)      As this melts, add the butter, then sprinkle on the flour, stirring well, then add the ¼ cup orange juice, stirring till this becomes a thickish sauce

7)      Return the chops to this pan, and simmer gently on low heat (lid on), for 15 minutes.

(……Optional:- ….to add 2 tablespoons of brandy with the orange juice!)

Serve with:

Steamed/boiled jacket potatoes…or basmati rice,  and steamed broccoli.

Pork chops "Chunkie Abdomen"

                                         >>>>>>>MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMo<<<<<<<

‘ COOKINGWITHMAVIS ’  

                            …and BestFriendMo’

ps:  Watch out for my next blog a day earlier than usual..

Yes!  next Wednesday…just to allow  you time to purchase the pudding ingredients for any prospective  Festive meal ! …you’ll need some 1 kg (2 lbs)at least, of frozen or fresh mixed (red )berries :- currants, blackberries, raspberries…and some stale white bread!  Some sugar , a bit of cornflour (Maizena) and a lemon too ….Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

You could halve the amount of berries for a smaller pudding…just wait-and-see!

         Until then……

Knysna - a perfect 'wetland' and sanctuary for birdlife

Knysna - the sheer vastness of the lagoon

Knysna -at The Heads, a cold  front rolling into the lagoon

Knysna -a portion of  Thesen Island